(December 2012, Santa Fe, NM)
My friend Mark has been fostering kittens, and Bonanza hadn't met them yet; they were so tiny we didn't want to worry that she'd decide them tasty or fun to chase. Which, hey -- if I were a dog, kittens would seem to be a pretty good bet on both, and less likely to be high up in trees, throwing acorns and laughing at me.
But we thought the kittens could hold their own this time.
So…IN ONE CORNER we have Beans, Skunk, and Rice!:
AND IN THE OTHER -- she's the favorite to win, Alpha of the Dog Park, the Police Officer Snarler, Fierce Fiend-on-a-Leash…BONANZA!!
DING DING DING!
The kittens skulk out of the bedroom, wind around our pants legs and creep under radiators, eying the dog. Bonanza starts trembling violently, and looks as though she might be slightly ill. This is what a kitten under a radiator looks like:
Rice and Skunk keep their distance at first. Beans is fearless. She saunters up to Bonanza, whose face has shifted from slightly ill to HOLY SHIT, and starts examining her. Beans seems pretty sure that Bonanza would be a fantastic playground and den, rubs her face on B'za's coat, sniffs her tail, and tip-toes towards her face.
Bonanza is shaking. I am on high alert in case she lunges. They slowly go nose to nose…
This is what a kitten considering jumping on a dog looks like, taken a minute before this scene. Grabbed her just in time -- YEAH, SHE WAS GOING FOR IT, MAN! That dog looks SOFT!:
So they go nose to nose…huh. Peace and harmon-KITTEN HISS SPIT!! AUGH, TERROR!
Bonanza freezes, stops trembling. She shrinks into herself. Looks down, turns her head away very, very slowly, eases herself away from the monster, and turns her back to sink to the floor. The kitten takes a few steps forward to sniff her butt, and Bonanza glances around to see if the kitten might be merciful.
Meh. The kitten thinks she might be, why not.
This is what a fierce alpha-beast looks like just before being schooled by a kitten:
The next fifteen minutes are hilarious. Bonanza does not know what the hell these creatures are doing, assuming she is blanket, theme park, and perhaps -- if only they could get close enough to check -- a vessel of milk.
This is what a dog who must be protected from kittens looks like, after forcing one of her protecters to scoot over because she tried sitting in his lap to get away:
It was awesome. In the background throughout was a slightly frantic CNN reporter, discussing what may or may not be an upcoming apocalypse. Bonanza was unimpressed -- if one occurs, it will not be due to the Mayan calendar or super storms, as they suggest. It will definitely be cats.
Sic Semper Tyrannis!